oh well we lost it today. no more hockey for IH yikes.

i was hoping for semis. i thought we had pretty high chances. oh wells. damn i should have swept that ball in and not fall down. ARGHHHH. maybe it's fated??? i dont know. i only know we had quite a lot of chances to get one more goal in and not go into penalty flicks. my whole heart sank when the whistle blew. it's like the sucky feeling i got from softball earlier this year. i really wanted to get into semis and be seeded next year.

oh wells. no regrets. that's the most important thing. no superb performance but i know i really tried my best today.

time for softball. no fly balls shall get past me man.

there are so many things in life that we have tried before. but there's only that many that we truly like to do. i know what i like best and i know where my passion lies. sometimes, somehow, i have to give things up because of people who are important to me. each time i look back, each time i try to keep myself from being too involved, i just wonder if i really did the right thing. even if i tell myself to put it down, there's still the lingering feel in my heart to do it again.

People cry, not because they are weak.

It's because they've been strong for too long.




-i love tumblr.

for the 749831759834275th time that im thinking about this, i dont know if im in the right course. when i help my sister with uni apps, im beginning to realise that my choice is wrong and that i failed to consider other stuff. OKAY I SHOULDN'T THINK SO MUCH. and i regret not taking up moe scholarship ROARS.

OKAY I REALLY SHOULDNT THINK SO MUCH. I HAVE SO MANY MORE YEARS OF UNI TO GO.

My mood had been on a low since the year started. It just worsened by the day.
 
I have been so stressed out by almost everything in school that im on the verge of breaking down. sometimes i just cry in the middle of the night while bathing at 1am. i have 6 dance practices in a week, on top of 2 committee meetings and my SCHOOLWORK which is crying out to me coz im lagging. sometimes i have long breaks in between lessons but i spend those time settling costumes, props, canvassing and everything else related to hall. if im not doing all these, im sleeping. i cant focus during lessons at all coz i dont have the energy after dancing 7-12am every single night. it's the competition period so there's bound to be pressure. it's just suffocating coz i really cant take late nights and i will fall sick. once i fall sick, i cant do anything and everything just snowballs. i dont know how my seniors can tahan all these late nights. maybe they're just used to it.

my grades are still the most important ultimately. my employer wont care whether im the vice-capt of dance or whether i have played sports or planned an amazing race. it's still my grades. and i dont want to lose my scholarship coz i dont have time to study. i dont know why i always like to chiong and be so hiong in school. i have been chionging since sec 1 and i havent been stopping. i actually enjoyed all these. i chionged the most now and i realised there's a limit to how much i can handle. i guess my biggest problem is that i have been too egoistic, thinking that i can surely handle a lot of things, so i kept joining things blindly. maybe im getting old so im less energetic than last time. or maybe i decided that i should settle down and stop chionging so blindly.

i wanna leave hall next year. even if i do get a room next semester for my commitments this year, i still want to leave hall. i cant contribute so much to hall anymore. i hate the feeling of telling my family that im busy training or having meeting or selling tshirts whenever they call to talk to me or need my help. i can answer phone calls to settle props, costumes but i cant help or talk to my family?!?!! it's damn ridiculous.

i escaped from everything in hall today and i came back home to pei my family. it's irresponsible of me to do this but i just need a break. and i want my family to know that i still care and i still want to be there for them.

im feeling so much better after coming home today. i can face trainings and meetings with a better attitude from tomorrow onwards.

i still want to dance and play sports for hall coz i really like them. but i know i must prioritise and not push myself so hard anymore in the new academic year. one thing at a time.

jiayou to myself. just a little while more.

I, Lily Phoa, hereby declare that after inter-hall dance competition on 9March, I will stop screwing up my sleeping patterns, studies and health.

I hate my lifestyle now of bathing at like 12 midnight and sleeping at 2am every day. I cant take late nights at all. I fall sick every single week, i either have headache, flu, DIARRHEA or fever ROAR. dance trainings will probably end at like 3am in the days to come.

I MUST JUGGLE MY STUDIES AND SLEEPPPPPP!!

我的头很痛

我的头要爆炸了

okay i hope there's no wrong chinese words if not it's very 丢脸 for an ex-higher chinese student.

i seriously wonder who actually told me that taking uni science courses would be a breeze if i scored well for A levels. 3 months into my course and i beg to differ. okay im having exam stress because im doing last minute cramming which i know it's my own fault. i started the first semester thinking that it would be quite manageable, so i pon some lectures or into a hibernating mode most of the time. as long as my brain detects math or physics-related things, i will go into an auto switch-off mode. i just cant help it. i only like biochem, coz i understand it. why do i understand it? coz i like it and i actually wake up to listen. even though i didnt score as well as most people, i still dont hate the module. thank goodness my course is called chem & biochem. if im a math or physics student, i would have changed course after 1 week of school.

ARGH. me no like integration ROAR.

OKAY I DECIDED.
im going to take a break and eat my lunch now because my brain is going to swtich off after 2 hours of math.